Dirty Old Man (It's okay, I'm a professional.)

The Presidential Campaign is the magician's hand that shows.

Yesterday at the store 18 Budweisers cost a dollar less than 12 Budweisers. God did that.

I've had a babe jones since my uncle played high school football and I saw my first cheerleader. Today at the grocery store I saw the prettiest girl I ever saw in my life. It never stops.

I hate that singing-puppy commercial so much, every time it comes on I kick my dog.

Planet Earth has survived plagues, floods, dictators, wars, religious rule, the ice age, disco, asteroids, and volcanoes, but it's being done in now by that mindless Wall Street Bottom Line. Let's lower gas prices, get the economy rolling, and save the planet is backwards. I feel so old-hippie talking like this, but everything I think of comes back to we're killing ourselves for nothing. And even the thought of joining a band of merry bandits roaming the countryside eating the rich doesn't sound any good if there's no water to drink anywhere or air to breathe. So I continue to sound the fool, because I can't really think of anything else that matters.

People take an average of forty seconds longer to leave a parking space if somebody else is waiting for it.

That picture of Hannah Montana's back continues to be displayed every time I turn on the TV. The dust still hasn't completely settled from Janet Jackson's oft-replayed one second nipple shot. Light-weight scandals these days. Back in livelier times we had Traci Lords. Now there was a worthy scandal. None of that lame TV sitcom nonsense or the soft porn of some of those reality shows. Traci did it. Actually did it. Just like in real life. Imagine.

"I lied last night. I'm not really eighteen."
"Damn. I'm sure glad I'm not a rich and famous sports star or something. Or your teacher."
"Was that somebody knocking on your door? Just kidding."

Katrina has hit Burma, one of those "repressive regimes". But we Americans still hold the record for the most citizens behind bars. We're #1! U-S-A! U-S-A!

" . . . and it's happening a lot faster than scientists had predicted."

So it goes.